Hikikomori Ramblings: Andrew's Journal

[andrew]

Welcome to my journal. I promise to, at the very least, TRY to update it regularly. We'll see how that goes.

So, I'm Andrew, I'm twenty five, male, single, medium height, average/skinny build.

I don't go out much; and when I do I (used to) tend to get wasted. But after having some alcohol counselling (not as scary as it sounds) I haven't drank since September and am planning to keep teetotal indefinitely.

Is that too personal? Ah, the joys of semi-anonymity.

Since last summer the times I do go out and not get drunk have been my meetings with the Ipswich Anime Society, which I started all by myself. I'm no longer in charge/an admin for them now because my nurse (I have a mental health nurse, for why, read on) made a fuss about me being in charge of under 18s. So now when I go to meets I'm not in charge, just a member. It was a really good summer, meeting new people and having a gang to hang with. I need to get to meets more regularly as I am out of the loop atm.

The reason I have a mental health nurse (I recently got a new one, who I've only seen once, so will report on how she is) is because I basically had a breakdown a year ago while at university at UEA, involving breaking into the union shop, stealing bottles of vodka and going in the lake, then freaking out and hitting a security guard with a bottle. After this I spent a month (over christmas and new years) in a mental hospital in Norwich. Once I came to myself and realised I was safe there it was quite fun. It was kind of like being in Big Brother haha. I was diagnosed with psychosis (I was hearing things), depression, and anxiety. You can add OCD to that as well and the anxiety gets quite bad still. I no longer have any psychotic symptoms, which is good since theyre bloody scary. I'm pretty much back to normal, but don't really do much.

I've been watching Studio Ghibli movies for several years but only got into anime when i joined the UEA Anime Society (love those guys!) over a year ago. We watched Welcome to the NHK and Spice and Wolf and Hetalia amongst others. I'd already seen some relatively rare anime such as Serial Experiments Lain (my favourite).

Being in the Uea AniSoc was what made me want to start my own one back home and like I said, a good summer was had.


So that's my past; what about my future? (nice segueway!)
Since leaving UEA I've had different ideas of what to do next including starting a History degree at UCS(my local university) which i left after a couple of weeks because it wasn't really for me. I've now decided I'm going to get a law degree via Open University and am looking into a career as a solicitor or barrister. I've downloaded a BBC series called The Barristers during my research and it looks like a really challenging and rewarding way of life. But I'll probably change my mind on what I want to do. No, I'll stick at it. I must! It's time for me to achieve something.


That's all for now, thanks for reading, feel free to leave comments or ask any questions; as you can probably tell, I'm quite open.

[andrew]

Update:

So lately I've been watching The O.C. It's my guilty pleasure. It's fun watching rich teenagers live their soap-lifes. I've also started watching Smallville Season One; I watched it when it was on Channel 4 but missed episodes so can't really remember it. Another guilty pleasure of mine is Jersey Shore. I know, I know, but I can't avert my eyes from the train wreck of emotions.

I usually try to keep up with The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, usually my sole source of american news. Lately I've been watching random episodes of South Park too. As you can tell I spend a lot of time watching things. I sit on my laptop in the living room from early afternoon (when I wake up) til 10 or 11 at night. I have no life.

One thing I really want to do, once I've plucked up enough courage is to start Krav Maga. In case you haven't heard of it, it's Israeli self defense, that takes the best bits from other martial arts. It's just started here in Ipswich, but I'm nervous about going to it. I've been lifting weights to prepare; I deadlift my barbell and do overhead pushes with a dumbbell; I like the idea of a minimalist programme that works alot of muscles, and deadlifts and overhead pushes work most of the body. I'm still on pretty light weights (and my barbell doesn't get that heavy anyway) I'm lifting 25kg on the deadlift and 8kg on the pushes. Since I've been on my medication I've gained over a stone in weight, which is good because I was really skinny before, and now I've filled out a bit.

Ohyeah! I shaved my beard off! I've had it since about October and it had gotten pretty bushy, but I look like a hobo with it so I'm gona endure the annoyance and soreness of regular shaving.

So thats my journal for today, Hi everybody!

[andrew]

I've been watching Ore no Imouto ga Konnani Kawaii Wake ga Nai again.

and am downloading Scarlet Weather Rhapsody which is a fighter game by Touhou Project, which seems to be one japanese guy making shooter games. I don't know if I'll be able to get it working.

[andrew]

Hello again. So the game from yesterday- it didn't work. It needs a .dll but I can't be bothered to track it down. Oh well.

I just watched yesterday's Skins. I still love the fact that Franky is the actress that played Lyra in The Golden Compass! I don't know why I like Skins, I think because it's really melacholy.

I've started watching Victory Gundam. I'm not sure where it fits into the whole Gundam universe; the only other Gundam I've seen is the original Mobile Suit Gundam, which was really good. Oh yeah, and War in the Pocket, which was REALLY good.

[XenLár]

Considering how the Golden Compass was am amazingly poo movie this disinclines me from watching Skins, even more than I was before lol.

[andrew]

Yeah, it was a big disappointment. I wouldn't really recommend Skins, it's just one of my guilty pleasures

[XenLár]

Lol, I saw one of the ads for it and was kinda like.... hmmm nah. And then it became really popular and now it's like way into multiple seasons and I can't be bothered to catch up with it lol. I think it would be a bigger thing for me if I knew more people who watched it but I don't like.

[andrew]

Hey again, it's been a while. I've been watching Hajmie no Ippo, a boxing anime, and it's really good. It has to be to sustain my interest through 76 episodes. The only other super long series like that I've seen is Mobile Suit Gundam.

I've been feeling pretty anxious lately, and so decided not to go to a sleepover at a friend's house even though I would love to. There's a big IAS meet on Saturday and hopefully I'll be okay for that.

I saw my new nurse the other day and she was good, gave me some good advice. I'm going to start going for walks to build up my fitness a bit. I want to start boxing or a martial art at some point, but need to build myself up, both physically and mental first.

[XenLár]

Yeah, martial arts and stuff are hard work.

And if an anime serious is good enough it can hold serious interest for a lot of episodes... I used to watch really long series' as a kid - like Sailor Moon and Dragonball Z.

Now, I end up watching shorter anime series and going - I wish this wouldn't end! lol.

[andrew]

HELLO! LONG TIME! I'm back!

Since I've been gone we've gained a cat who's adopted us who is heavily pregnant, probably from our other cat. She's adorable. I want to keep the kittens.

And I THINK I've decided I want to be a psychiatrist. WHICH IS POSSIBLY THE LONGEST CAREER PATH I COULD'VE CHOSEN! I'd need to redo science a levels, get into medical school, get work experience, finish the 5 years of medicine, then 2 years of normal hospital doctor work, then 6 years psych training. But I think it's what I want to do, and I think I could be good at it. I'll give myself a lot of time to think about it tho, and see if I'm being realistic.

[andrew]

My adopted cat gave birth to three adorable little kittens! I'm going to keep one, hopefully a female one because they're more friendly. They're so cute, and their mum really looks after them well.

I've started watching Boogiepop Phantom. It's said to be similar to Serial Experiments Lain which I really liked.

[andrew]

The kittens have grown so much, they're more than twice the size now! They're adoooorable. One of them looks like he may be a bit retarded which just makes me love him even more.

I'm still thinking about going to medical school. It would involve going back to college to redo GCSEs and A Levels, but that's okay, it's not as if I've got anything else to do. And if I get As in Science I could go on to study anything at a good university if I decide Medicine isn't for me. I may take a GCSE evening class and study with National Extension College for the other GCSEs. I need to be doing something out of the house to get used to being around people again. One biggish problem, apart from the fact I have anxiety disorder etc, is that I have some police cautions from when I had a psychotic episode. I've emailed a medical school asking if this will keep me from being admitted, and they said it will be put to a fitness to practice board who will decide, so I'm not automatically ruled out. And I'll send them the schools a letter from me and my doctor explaining the situation. Again if I don't get in I can just go on to study sciences, maybe at Oxbridge if I get the As.